The Gift of Coaching

At some point, I discovered that you learn more by teaching than by being a student in a course. For three years, colleague Beth Kennett and I have taught an Introduction to Coaching class as part of Summit Coach Training from Pinnacle. In teaching, I have rediscovered at least ten concepts that I think every coach should remember.

The client is central. Coaching is really all about the client. The client sets the agenda, and the coach provides the process. If you have any concerns about what to ask or how to proceed, ask yourself, “Does this serve the client?”
Coaching is really a partnership. It is a collaborative activity. Bob Dale spoke about coach and client as “thought partners.” It is a partnership that fosters creativity on the part of client and learning on the part of the coach.
You are not a “fixer.” Many of us who are coaches come from backgrounds where we were problem-solvers—counselors, educators, clergy, leaders. As coaches, “fixing” someone else or providing all the answers to their challenges is not our task. If we do this, we are taking away from the client the opportunity learn for themselves and to take responsibility for their own actions.
Listen the client’s story. Every person’s story is rich with meaning. A good coach listens to the story because it provides indicators about how the client makes sense of her or his reality.
Offer a sacred, safe space for the client where he or she can talk about their deepest concerns, hopes, and dreams. Give the client a chance for their soul to speak.
Let the client think. When there is silence after you ask a question, you are not obligated to fill that space. Silence is not a bad thing; it gives the client time to reflect. The compulsion to speak may say more about either our own insecurity or our desire to succeed as a coach.
Coach the person not the problem. Marcia Reynolds wrote a book with this title. The coach’s role is not to solve the client’s problem/issue but to encourage the client to discover her or his own resources to do this.
Coach to your client’s strengths. I have had some push-back on this, but I agree with Marcus Buckingham that working on weaknesses is a great expenditure of energy that may become disillusioning and demotivating for the client. Help the client to discover what she or he does well and to do more of it.
Your experience is a resource not an answer. My experience may help me to understand a client better or even to identify with that person in some way, but their experiences and mine are different. When something comes to mind in a conversation which connects to my open background, I move it to a mental “backup file” for perspective or to drive my own empathy for the client. I don’t have to share it.
Embrace your incompetence. Seth Godin suggests that bringing a learner’s naivete to a conversation opens opportunities for both the client and the coach to grow.

As you review this list, you may note that coaching relationship fosters growth not only for the client but for the coach as well. Even though the client is the focus of the coaching conversation, the engagement is also a gift to the coach. It is a gift to value highly.

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