Barnabas File

In our coaching classes, we often address personal values.     As a coach works with a client to identify the best way forward for the client, one of the challenges is helping the client discover what is really important for them as individuals.     We are all pulled in different directions—challenges, responsibilities, relationships.     What we should concentrate on and what gives us satisfaction can be frustrating.    Robert Glazer suggests that this comes from “a misalignment between the roles expected of us and our core values.”   In the introduction to The Compass Within: A Little Story About the Values That Guide Us, Glazer writes, “When we succeed in aligning our lives with those values, we feel a sense of peace and enthusiasm, as if we were truly living our ideal lives. In contrast, the discomfort caused by a misalignment of values is deep and painful and rarely fades with time; and if it does fade, it’s usually due to self-abandonme...

In her book  Leadership Revolution: The Future of Developing Dynamic Leaders , Lori Mazan takes a rather critical approach to mentoring.  She sees it as helpful but only when matched with coaching and of lesser value than coaching: “In a sense, mentoring can encourage looking back, emulating what was previously successful. Coaching is a methodology for looking out ahead and figuring out what's going to be successful next.” She goes on to say, “Mentoring just can't take the place of the kind of transformative development employees can get from coaching.”   Just for clarity, let’s define terms here.  In mentoring, someone (usually an experienced person in the field) shares their knowledge, skills, and experience with another person to help them to progress.  The person being mentored is identified by terms such as “mentee” or “protégé.”   Coaching is   a partnership between coach and client . They are “thought partners.”  Th...

Very often people confuse the terms “coaching” and “mentoring.”  (What we mean by coaching here is life or leadership coaching.)  Coaching and mentoring both involve supporting an individual's growth and development, but they have some key differences. Here's a breakdown: Focus: Coaching  tends to focus   on the present and future, helping you define your goals, overcome obstacles, and move toward your full potential. Coaches don't necessarily need direct experience in your field since they guide you to discover your own solutions and strategies. Mentoring  focuses on your past, present, and future, offering guidance based on the mentor's experience and expertise in your field or industry. Mentors often share their own stories and insights to help you navigate career or personal challenges and help in developing professional networks. Structure: Coaching  is typically more structured, with def...

Stanford economist Paul Romer is credited with the statement, “ A crisis is a terrible thing to waste. ”  I am not exactly sure what Dr. Romer had in mind, but the present health crisis and all of its implications certainly drive us to reflect, learn, and reorient ourselves.  Now is a good time to ask these questions: First, what’s really important?  During this time of pandemic, we have the opportunity to reassess what is really important in our lives.  Most of us would probably say that people and our relationships are primary.  We seek human connection whether in our families or beyond.  Even the most introverted persons among us desire the ability to communicate and respond to others.  We also realize that this is a time to attend to “the least of these” who are struggling to survive. Second, what’s not important?  This is a great time to consider the difference between our needs and our wants....

Everyone has a story to tell.  In our fast and busy world, we rarely take the time to listen to each other’s stories or simply to reflect on our own.  When I taught Formation for Ministry classes for Central Seminary, I took the time to share a bit of my own story and ask students to share theirs as well, but there was always more there than we were able to process. Being aware of the power of story, I was pleased to discover  Living a Narrative Life:  Essays on the Power of Stories  by Keith Herron.  Herron draws not only on his own extensive experience as a pastor and a counselor but shares his own life story to help the reader understand the value of understanding her or his own life story. Herron writes, “All of life is a story.  This is the richness of life:  to know your own stories, to value and understand them with others.  In doing so, we are all enriched.”  He enc...

Do you feel stuck?   You know what I mean.     You are overcome with responsibilities and find yourself in a type of paralysis.     Or perhaps you just have too much on your plate--a lot of good choices but no clear priorities.    Or maybe there is something that keeps you up at night and requires resolution. If you want to be proactive and get out of this situation, there are a number of options available to you. The International Coach Federation (ICF) has posted a decision chart that might be helpful in making a choice. The options are not limited to coaching. There are several paths you might take. Psychotherapy.   Therapy or counseling helps a person to deal with unresolved issues from the past or present such as grief, anger, or loss.  The therapist or counselor helps the client define the issues and develop coping strategies to deal with emotions and relationships in more productive ways. Mentor...

Add caption “Empowerment” has become something of a catch phrase not only in businesses and other secular organizations, but in the church as well. We talk about being “empowering leaders” who call forth the best in others.   We want people to “feel empowered” to exercise their gifts.     We hope those with whom we work will “become empowered” as the result of our leadership. Recently, I came across this quote from Robert E. Quinn in Deep Change: Discovering the Leader Within that changed my paradigm completely. "We do not, however, empower people. Empowerment cannot be delegated. We can only develop an appropriate empowering environment where people will have to take the initiative to empower themselves." This caught my attention.  Empowerment is not something I do to someone else.  Just as I cannot motivate another person to do something, I cannot empower that person to release his or her gifts.  I cannot force them to...

Memo to self at the beginning of a new year: This is going to be a good year.  You have just come through a period of both rejoicing and reflection, but it is time to move on.  If you want the new year to be good, even great, I suggest you do the following: First, take care of yourself.  This means that you are going to have to exercise, see your doctor and chiropractor on a regular basis, take your medications, get enough sleep, and eat right.  I know that doesn’t sound too exciting, but we know what happens when you don’t, right? Second, love your family and friends.  These are the people that God has placed into your life to both encourage and challenge you.  They have an investment in you and you in them.  Take it seriously and enjoy the present. Third, be intentional about personal and professional growth.  Although you may have good intentions, “sharpening the ax” does not happen without commitme...

What is your definition of “discipleship”?   In general usage, a disciple is one who follows the example and teachings of another person.   In the Christian context, a disciple is a follower of Jesus Christ, one who seeks to practice his teachings and make them a part of her or his life.   Living out the teachings of Christ is generally called the act of discipleship. Several years ago, I joined my colleague Mark Tidsworth in training church leaders to use coaching principles to help others to grow as disciples.  We called the process “ Disciple Development Coaching .”  Both Mark and I have a rather comprehensive view of what it means to be a disciple.  Our concept (and I think the belief of many others) is that discipleship encompasses all of life—not simply our spiritual practices but the way we care for God’s gifts to us, act in our relationships with others, and pursue our vocational callings. In a recent conversation, someon...