In my conversations with coaches, I sometimes ask the question, “What does your ideal client look like?” There are various responses, but as I consider the questions myself, here are some client characteristics that will benefit the coaching conversation.
I would like the client to be honest in our conversation. This does not require complete transparency, but the more that the client feels free to share with me, the more it benefits them. My role as a coach is provide a safe space where the client feels free to share and reflect.
Self-awareness on the part of the client is important. The person being coached must be willing to question their own assumptions. A goal in coaching is to help the client learn how to ask questions of themselves; this self-reflection is also an indication of growing emotional intelligence.
I hope my client will be forgiving. Sometimes I miss the mark on a question. I have asked questions that I wish that I could take back! If I have developed rapport with my client, she or he will let me know that they don’t understand my question, they feel it moves the conversation in a direction they do not wish to go or suggests that I come at the question in a different way.
Each person benefits from being resilient. If one path does not work out, my hope is that the client will be willing to learn what did not work, formulate a new path forward, and pursue that route. We don’t fail if we learn from the experience.
A good coach can help a client enhance or develop these skills. Every client can develop these characteristics, but they will only do so if the coach models these characteristics and gives the space for them to be actualized.
What holds a person back from having these characteristics?
One thing is lack of faith in themselves. Often this comes from past experiences—those scripts that play in the back of our minds. My pastor, Glen Money, said in a recent sermon, “Your past is not going to get any better.” Our past can inform us, or it can restrict us. If we cannot learn to grow beyond our past, perhaps we need to work with a counselor rather than a coach.
Another thing that holds a person back is past learning. We each develop habits, practices, and skills that help us to thrive in the context in which we find ourselves. But when the context changes, how we act may have to change. I am not talking about matters of character or integrity, but the way we relate to people and circumstances. Unlearning is not easy but is often necessary.
A third thing is an inability to dream. The coaching relationship gives the client the opportunity to think “blue sky” without limitations and encumbrances. Where else do you have that opportunity? Coaching is all about identifying opportunities and possibilities.
Again, a good coach can help a client address these roadblocks, learn new ways of acting, processing, and advancing. This comes out of a good relationship between coach and client. I think that’s what we, as coaches, strive to offer.
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