Although we may have learned clear definitions of coaching that guide us as coaches, we are always seeking ways to build upon those definitions to practice our craft effectively. The common aspects of the definitions tend to focus on the person being coached, the collaborative nature of the process, and helping the client achieving his or her potential. Undergirding these definitions is the expectation of change on the part of the client, even though change is one of the greatest challenges each of us faces in life. Helping People Change provides the coach with deeper insights and suggestions about how to pursue change with our clients.
The authors face the potential and challenge of change head on. Building on the insights of positive psychology, neuroscience research, and extensive coaching experience, they provide an effective framework for guiding a client through the process of personal change, one based on the Intentional Change Theory model.
Basic to this approach is the understanding that there is a difference between coaching for compliance and coaching with compassion. Coaching for compliance is short-term in nature and usually focused on goals that are imposed upon the client from some external authority. Performance drives this type of “coaching.” Coaching with compassion helps the client articulate his or her personal vision with a focus on dreams and not just goals. Goals become a means to achieve one’s personal vision rather than an end in themselves.
The book provides several examples of how clients have benefited from this strategy. Melvin Smith and Ellen Van Osteen, two of the authors, share their own stories of mid-course corrections that evolved out of being coached around the Intentional Change Theory Model. Accounts of the experiences of others in several fields show how the model works in different settings and occupations.
Coaching with compassion not only helps the client discover their “ideal self” or their embodied personal vision but how to assess where he or she is now and the gaps between the two. The client then can identify and act upon experiences that will help achieve one’s personal vision. This is the process of lifelong learning that provides the nuts and bolts of change in a person’s life.
In Helping People Change, the coach is encouraged to leverage the power of positive emotions in the client’s change process. The authors give both research data and practical examples to point out the impact of positive emotional attractors (PEA) and negative emotional attractors (NEA) in coaching for compassion. They could get bogged down in the extensive research on PEA and NEA at this point but provide just enough background to show the importance of leveraging PEA in the coaching process.
The discussion of PEA also offers the basis for articulating the coach’s role in building a resonant relationship between coach and client. A resonant relationship is characterized by a positive emotional tone on the part of the coach which nurtures an authentic, caring connection with the person being coached. The authors argue that, because of this connection, “There is a sense of flow in the relationship, with the coach being in touch with the person she is intending to help.” (p. 21)
I learned several things from this book that make me a better coach. I was reminded of the people who have affirmed and encouraged me through resonant relationships. This realization challenged me to practice this more intentionally in my coaching. I was also reminded of the intentional choices I have made to achieve my own life vision and how that has evolved over time. Pivotal events have generated new insights and awareness for me that provided clarity. This is one of the gifts I can offer to my clients that I hope they will embrace—reflecting upon present experiences for insight and understanding.
I found the book very accessible with many examples of how coaching with compassion works as well at key learning points, reflections, and application exercises. There is also a conversation guide at the end of each chapter. We use this book as a text in our Summit Coach Training class “Coaching with Compassion.” The extensive experiences of the authors as both practitioners and researchers provide a rich resource for learning and discussion.
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