One of the questions that comes up in coach training is, “How
do you coach someone who doesn’t want to be coached?’’ My usual answer is, “You don’t.” Perhaps it would be more accurate to say that
you can’t coach someone who does not want to be coached.
The client in a coaching relationship must have a growth
mindset; that is, the person must realize that he or she is responsible,
creative, and capable. If a client tells
me that he or she is incapable of change, there is no point in continuing the
conversation. I can ask questions,
encourage the client to seek clarity, and even push a bit, but I cannot
motivate him or her to grow.
There are situations where an employer, a supervisor, or a personnel
committee will approach a coaching professional and say, “This person needs a
coach and we would like for you to work them.” How does a coach handle this
process?
First, ask the initiating person or group the reason for believing
the person needs to be coached and the individual’s readiness to accept the
relationship. If they don’t know whether
the person is ready or not, the coach can do an “get acquainted” session with
the prospective client to assess their feelings about being coached.
Second, develop clarity with whoever is paying the fee about
the reporting expectations. When I do
coaching where there is a third-party payer, I use a contract that explains
exactly what information the payer will receive and the level of
confidentiality with the client. I
usually agree that the payer will receive a report when the client and I meet
for coaching, but I will not disclose anything to the payer about the session
unless it is specifically approved by the client. In fact, if the client decides that the payer
should receive information that comes of the session, I suggest that client
provide this information to the appropriate people.
Third, I make clear to client that he or she is the focus of
the coaching conversation. Although a
third party—a church or organization, for example, is footing the bill, the
client is doing the work so he or she must be committed to the process. I also make
certain that the client understands the confidentiality agreement.
Fourth, if someone in the organization breaches the contract
by asking me for additional information, I remind the person of my agreement
with the organization. If they are not
willing to abide by that agreement, we can terminate the contract. If someone in the organization approaches the
client for information our sessions, I reaffirm to the client that he or she
determines what to disclose.
Fifth, there is always a time limit on these contracts. If we come to the point of renewal and the organization
has not seen the progress they expect on the part of the client, they are free
to move on and I will as well. On the other hand, if the client has bought into
the process, we celebrate his or her achievements.
I have found that most leaders, when given the opportunity
to have a coach, are very appreciative and take full advantage of the
experience. As a coach, however, I must
be very open and objective about the relationship and assessing the progress of
the client. On a couple of occasions, I
have let a coaching relationship continue past the effectiveness stage, and
found myself regretting it.
Honesty with the client, the sponsoring organization, and
oneself (while maintaining confidentiality) is essential.
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