Being a Coach

In her very helpful book Coach the Person, Not the Problem: A Guide to Using Reflective Inquiry, Marcia Reynolds makes this powerful statement: “There is a difference between doing coaching and being a coach.” She shares how her practice of coaching changed her perspective and the way she related to people including close friends.

To take this a step further, she writes, “When you are being a coach, people feel seen, heard, and valued. Acknowledge your impact so it becomes part of your identity.” I have found that many people who becomes coaches--and I am talking here about life, leadership, executive, health, etc., coaches--were already oriented to be encouragers in their relationships with others, but training as a coach deepened those inclinations as new skills were acquired and practiced.

Reynolds’ book reminded me that coaching is a dance between client and coach, but one in which the coach does not always lead. The coach practices an awareness of what the client is saying, without judgement, and reflecting the client’s words in a way that provokes new understanding and impetus to action.

Recently I observed a “coaching demonstration” online where the coach led the client through a predetermined set of questions. The idea was to move the client along a predetermined path that would result in a concrete action. In my estimation, this was not real coaching. There was no real working relationship between coach and client. In fact, the entire conversation could have been done between a computer interface and the person being coached. And, yes, I know there are such programs on the market, and I question their effectiveness.

In short, coaching is a very human process in which the coach embodies interest, curiosity, and commitment to the client and his/her personal growth and development. Embodiment is the key. With a gifted coach, you are not interacting with a process but with a person who is invested in coaching--being and not just doing. They not only champion the process but the person, and this becomes a way of relating in all of life.

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