Barnabas File

Through the work of Daniel Goleman, most of us have been exposed to the concept of personal emotional intelligence (EQ) and its components—self-awareness, self-management, other awareness, and relationship management.  Understanding our own EQ contributes to our mental health, resiliency, and allows us to relate to others effectively.   The authors of Team Emotional Intelligence 2.0 have applied this approach to teams with the goal of developing high-performing teams.  They identify the four skill sets involved as emotional awareness, emotional management, internal relationships and external relationships.     Under each set, they offer strategies to enhance the awareness, health, and effectiveness of a team and give concrete examples of successful application as well as planning ideas.  The approach is very practical.  The primary concern is that the leader or group facilitator not become overwhelmed but focus on a few key st...

A friend got very upset with me once when I said, “I don’t treat all of my children the same way.”  He thought this was very unfair, but I tried to explain that my desire was to relate to them in a way that was appropriate to them as individuals.  I am sure that I did not always succeed, but I realized that each of them was unique--the needs of one were very different from the needs of another.  I loved, and still love, all of them but the important thing was that I attempted to provide what I thought each one needed.   So here is my secret:  I don’t coach all of my coaching clients in the same way!  Why?  Because they are individuals with different needs, experiences, and capacities.  Each person has their own particular way of processing experiences, learning, and acting.  If I fail to take that into account, our coaching relationship will not be effective.   For example, one client may know what...

The first real “job” for which I was paid was as a math tutor.     Considering that I failed Calculus in college, this is rather ironic.     I was a junior in high school and my math teacher recommended me as a tutor for an eighth grader.    The parents paid me ten dollars a session.   As I began working with this young man, I realized pretty quickly that he already knew what he was supposed to do.  He understood the calculations and was probably a better math student than I was!  The key was focus.  He needed someone who would just sit with him, respond to his work, and provide encouragement.  I did not need to be an expert; I just needed to be there.   I find myself in the same situation very often as a leadership coach.  As I talk with a client, I discover that not only does the person have the best knowledge of the situation we are discussing, but he or she has some ideas about how to address i...

When we discuss the value of coaching, we usually focus on the difference it makes in the lives of individuals, but coaching also has benefits for the churches and organizations that provide it for staff and employees.     In an article in the February 2016 edition of Coaching World, Odile Carru and Mark Weinstein discussed the growth of internal coaching in organizations and its value to employees at all levels.     Carru and Weinstein presented three of these benefits:    talent retention, leadership development, and improving soft skills   When a church or organization provides coaches for leaders, the person who is coached not only develops new skills and abilities, but they appreciate the investment being made on their behalf.  This encourages them to stay with the organization longer rather than seeking another position “where the grass is greener.”     According to Carru and Weinstein, key areas for coaching in organizat...

I have been doing professional life coaching over 15 years and I find that I still have a number of opportunities to introduce and explain the concept to people.     Just about everyone understands athletic coaching either from observing a sports coach in action or serving as a volunteer coach.     Life coaching is a bit different.     Three basic ideas will help you understand how life coaching works.      First, the person being coached is the focus of coaching.  The coach is thoroughly engaged in the coaching conversation, but the conversation is all about the client.  When we engage in a normal conversation with a friend or colleague, we expect that each person will have their fair share of the time—not simply reacting but sharing their own ideas and experiences and carrying their part of the conversation.  In coaching, it is all about the client.  The coach is there to serve the client’s agenda—to ...

As I talk with potential coaching clients, the unspoken question is often, “Can I afford this?”     In conversations with other coaches, someone will comment, “This person really would benefit from having a coach, but they don’t want to pay for it.”   Christian folks don’t like to talk about money either in the church or as individuals, but let’s set aside our anxiety for a minute and think about this.  We can look at this concern from a couple of angles--from that of the coach and from that of the client.   First, most of the coaches that I know are very competent individuals.  They bring their own personal experience in working with people to the coaching relationship.  The majority have invested time and money in training to practice their craft as skilled professionals.  They have invested in being professionally credentialed.  Many could be doing other types of work, but they set aside the time to do this specifi...