During the past five years that I have been coaching, I have
discovered that listening is both one of the simplest coaching activities and
one of the hardest. Good listening
requires putting your own life on hold and giving another person priority. It requires putting the other person
first. For most of us, this is not an
easy task!
When I was doing my Doctor of Ministry degree work several years
ago, two other students and I scheduled a meeting with the supervisor of the
program to ask some questions about our work.
Rather than being attentive to us, he spent the entire meeting shuffling
papers around his desk and reviewing his desk calendar, avoiding eye contact. Although he assured us that he could do more
than one thing at a time and heard what we were saying, we all left the meeting
with the feeling that we had not been heard.
His actions and responses did not communicate to us that he was
listening.
One of the sayings attributed to Yogi Berra is “You can
learn a lot just by listening.” If you
are really listening, this is true. As I
have developed and practiced my skills as a coach, I have learned to stifle my
own responses to a client’s comments and listen to what he or she has to say—not
only the words, but the attitude, intent, and meaning behind the words.
Being a good listener requires one to be attentive,
receptive, and perceptive. What kind of
listener are you? Even if you are not a
professional or lay life coach, learning how to listen can enhance both your
leadership and your relationships. Try
it!
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