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Leadership Dilemma: Outgrowing Your Mentor

Benjamin Franklin said this about mentoring:

“There are two ways to acquire wisdom; you can either buy it or borrow it.  By buying it, you pay full price in terms of time and cost to learn the lessons you need to learn.  By borrowing it, you go to those men and women who have already paid the price to learn the lessons and get their wisdom from them.”

Mentors are important in our personal and professional development.  They not only share their experiences with us, but they open doors by introducing us to people in our field and sponsoring us to be involved in special projects or events.

Is it possible that one can outgrow her or his mentor?  This is not only a possibility but very likely. In the Book of Acts, we read the story of a mentor-protégé relationship that prospered for a period but ended with some discord.  We sometimes forget that Barnabas was a mentor for Saul, the persecutor of the Way who would become its most articulate spokesperson.

When Saul first appeared in Jerusalem after his conversion, many of the church leaders feared him, but Barnabas recognized that his experience was authentic and advocated for him.  Later Barnabas found himself working with the new church in Antioch and sent for Saul to come join him and invest his gifts there.  With the urging of the Holy Spirit, the church at Antioch sent them off on what we call the first missionary journey to the Gentiles.  Their success led to a controversy among Christians over the acceptance of these new believers based on their faith alone, but Barnabas and Paul (as he had come to be called) stood together before the leaders in Jerusalem to advocate for “an unhindered Gospel” (to use Frank Stagg’s term).  Only when they planned for the next missionary journey did they experience a disagreement over the inclusion of John Mark on the team.  They went their separate ways.

At some point the mentor-protégé relationship broke down between Barnabas and Paul, but evidently neither was ready to acknowledge it.  Paul went on to mentor others, and certainly Barnabas did as well.  What can we learn from this experience?

First, mentor relationships may only last for a season.  There are critical points in our lives when we need mentors. Most of us have had more than one mentor and each filled an important role at different times in our lives.  We must recognize that situations change and relationships do as well.

Second, at some point the protégé has learned everything he or she can learn from the mentor or at least decides that this is true.  Even the best mentors have limited areas of expertise and experience. Barnabas had opened doors of service for Paul and now it was his time to do the same for others.

Third, although it may be difficult, those who are mentors must recognize when it is time to move on from the relationship.  This does not mean that the person will never be a mentor again but just that they have invested all that they can in this particular protégé.  Let’s hope when it is time for that partnership to end, we can find a better way to do it than Paul and Barnabas did!

Don’t be afraid to become a mentor, but learn how to let go when it is time for your protégé to spread her or his wings. If you are protégé, be transparent with your mentor, share your appreciation, and then move on to share that person’s investment in you with other

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